KC in crisis....

This year has been hella interesting for me. Moving to Chile was a big decision (some of my friends might go with the word "insane")...going back to the US when everything I had planned was turned upside down was painful.... deciding to "run away" and come back to Chile after three months seemed like a good idea... having my world turn upside down once again and rethinking how long I would stay in Chile was impulsive and illogical - but so so right... And now, Life has once again thrown me a curve ball. I feel like completely random circumstances have shaped my life recently. Fortunately, I am not a completely control freak and so I have been OK with that. But the next decision I will have to make is going to be a BIG one ... life altering and all that jazz.

This has made me think about how much I have changed in the past year. Before I was a very logical person who thought through decisions. The amount of planning that went into my decision and preparation to move to Chile was enormous. When I decided to return to this March, it was impulsive, hurried, and completely not planned well. I also used to be a rather cold and distant person --- and although I still hold onto this personality trait (I don't think I'll ever lose it completely) -- I am definitely noticeably nicer and more openly emotional.

When I returned to the US my best friend informed me that I was different...but the same... but DIFFERENT. This declaration was followed by, "I mean, you hug me everytime you see me!! what is that about!?" (I didnt used to be such a touchy feely person... now I hug all my friends like I'm never going to see them again).

I think my boyfriend put my change the best... "It's like you're still YOU, but you're different and still you... as if you are more YOU than ever. You express yourself so much more and show your personality much more freely." And I definitely feel more free.

And so now I make a lot of my decisions based on emotional impulse. Yes, my logical self still screams in the back of my mind. But I always know that I will be content making my decisions based on my emotions more than my logic .... it's harder to regret these decisions.

I can't say what this big decision is yet... because I don't even completely know what I'm going to do. But big things are coming. stay tuned.